Father of the Groom Speech: Etiquette, Tips & Modern Traditions

Picture this: the wedding dinner is buzzing, glasses are raised, and all eyes drift to the front of the room. Who's in line to speak? Most folks won't flinch when the bride's dad steps up. But then the whispers start—will the father of the groom say a few words? Should he? Turns out, wedding traditions are in flux, and not everyone agrees on what’s expected. Let’s unravel this nuanced, sometimes awkward, but deeply meaningful topic.

The Tradition Behind Wedding Speeches

Traditions are stubborn things. In the classic British or American wedding script, the father of the bride leads the toasts, followed by the groom, best man, and—if he’s lucky—the groom’s father. But guess what? That order isn’t universal. In fact, outside of the UK, many cultures skip formal speeches altogether, or hand the mic to anyone with a heartfelt message.

In the past, the father of the groom speech wasn’t always a must-have. Historically, his main job was to host the rehearsal dinner or at least help pay for it, often acting as a quiet support in the wings. Yet, families are blending, roles are shifting, and many dads now find themselves in the spotlight on the big day. In the US, data from The Knot’s Real Weddings Study shows that in 2024, about 63% of couples invited both fathers to speak, up sharply from a decade ago.

So, where does etiquette stand? Classic guides like Emily Post say the father of the groom may give a toast, especially if the couple wants to honor both families. In some circles, it’s become almost expected. But many families still leave it optional—some dads prefer a private word with the couple or a short blessing at the rehearsal dinner instead.

No strict rule says yes or no. That means the couple—and their families—can decide what fits their vibe, traditions, and relationships. Understanding those roots helps, but you can always update tradition to match what feels right for your crew.

What the Modern Couple Wants: Changing Roles and Expectations

Weddings have turned into vibrant, bespoke affairs. Couples shape their day to reflect who they are—not just what their parents or grandparents did. And that applies to the speeches. Many are ditching old scripts. They want authenticity, warmth, and a sense of fun.

I’ve asked newlyweds and industry pros, and I keep hearing the same thing: today’s couples want to include voices from both sides. The groom’s dad brings his own perspective—he might have a funny story about his son, or share what he’s learned about welcoming a new daughter-in-law or son-in-law. That extra layer adds richness to the reception and helps guests feel how two families are coming together.

Still, not every dad is a natural speaker. Some stress about stealing focus from the couple, or—let’s be real—rambling on for too long. I’ve heard of couples who turn speeches into short Q&A interviews, or invite dads to say a few words as a group. Cultural influences also matter: in some traditions, elders speak as a sign of blessing; in others, less is more.

In 2025, another trend is emerging: co-hosted events, where both dads share a toast, trade anecdotes, or team up for a bit of storytelling. It’s heartfelt, often hilarious, and makes everyone feel more involved. But the best setups are clear in advance—no one likes an unexpected mic drop after dessert.

When (and How) the Father of the Groom Should Give a Speech

If you’ve decided the groom’s father should speak, timing and structure are everything. Most often, his speech comes after the bride’s father and before the best man—or he might open the toasts at the rehearsal dinner. The rule of thumb? Keep it 3-5 minutes, sincere, and on-point.

• Plan Ahead: If the dad is nervous, encourage him to jot down some notes well in advance, and run it by someone he trusts. This helps avoid cringe-worthy stories or off-the-cuff remarks better left unsaid.
• Open with Warmth: A simple welcome to guests, especially new in-laws, sets the mood. A gentle ice-breaker or even a little joke works, as long as it doesn’t embarrass the groom or anyone else.
• Share Personal Memories: Anecdotes about the groom growing up, moments that show his character, or a sweet story about the couple bring heart to the speech. The goal: paint a picture of the guy he became, and why the family is thrilled about the marriage.
• Welcome the New Family: Saying something kind about the bride or groom’s new spouse (and their family) shows class. This is your chance to spotlight how close the families are becoming.
• Best Wishes: Round off with advice, a blessing, or one thoughtful hope for the couple’s future. A toast to love and a life together never goes out of style.
• Keep It Brief: Remember, short and sweet beats a winding speech. Three minutes feels just right to most guests.

Here’s a quick cheat sheet:

Some families rehearse the speech at home or at the venue the day before. If dad really panics, it’s totally fine to read from cards. Many wedding planners now suggest a short tech check to ensure the mic works and everyone can hear—dad’s words deserve to be heard, not lost to feedback squeals or clinking silverware.

Speech-Dodging: When the Father of the Groom Doesn’t Want to Talk

Not everyone loves public speaking. If your dad is shy—or English isn’t his first language—it’s totally valid to bow out or choose a different way to share his love. Maybe he records a short video, offers a blessing during the rehearsal dinner, or hands the couple a heartfelt letter. Don’t force a speech just because “tradition” says so.

Couples should check in quietly but directly: Is the groom’s dad comfortable saying something? If not, that’s fine. The day is about joy, not awkward obligations. Plus, nothing’s more moving than an honest, from-the-heart few words—even if they’re just whispered over a hug.

Here’s an idea: pair up a less confident dad with another speaker, like the mother of the groom, or the bride’s dad. Or, invite him to share the floor with the best man for a more casual, roundtable toast. Some families even skip speeches at the main event and save them for smaller gatherings. There are no style points for stressing the guy out.

It’s also worth mentioning that, in 2024, more weddings are streaming online. If the father of the groom is tech-shy, he can pre-record a short toast, which planners can play during the reception or rehearsal dinner. This takes away the pressure of a live audience—and it still lets dad’s voice be part of the party.

Ideas, Examples, and Modern Alternatives for a Memorable Speach

If you’re crafting the speech, make it personal, not perfect. Real stories—how your son used to hide peas under the table, or the first time you saw him truly in love—always beat generic platitudes. Humor helps as long as it’s kind. And most of all, sincerity wins; your son wants to feel you’re proud of him, and the couple wants to feel your blessing.

• Example Opening: “Good evening, everyone. I’m Mark, proud dad of the groom, and someone who never thought he’d be giving a wedding speech!”
• Example Story: “When Dan was eight, he insisted on ‘helping’ me fix the car, which mostly meant handing me the wrong tools. But that spirit—always eager, always willing—never left him.”
• Example Welcome: “It’s a joy to have Emma and her family become part of ours. Today isn’t just about two people—it’s about all of us, together.”
• Example Blessing: “May you both always find laughter, love, and courage in each other. Here’s to your adventure.”

If you’re stuck, try bullet points. List three things you love about your son, then three things that make the couple great together. Read your draft aloud. If it sounds like you, you’re on track. Want to skip the formality? Lean into alternatives: a photo slideshow, a song, or a family toast where everyone chips in one sentence.

Modern wedding planners suggest mixing up traditions to reflect the family’s real story. Did the mom raise the groom? Ask her to speak instead. Or maybe the dads give a toast together. No need to copy someone else’s template—make it your own.

Key takeaway: The groom’s father speech isn’t required, but when given with heart, it’s a highlight. The best speeches leave the couple feeling cherished and everyone else smiling. Whether that’s three minutes at a microphone or a quiet blessing behind the scenes, the right approach is the one that fits your family.